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I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

Steven Wright
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John Alejandro King There's untold wealth in Africa, and untold Africa in wealth.

category: humor | comment | added 3 days ago



John Alejandro King According to its official history, the Cambridge University Press was founded in 1534 by royal charter from Henry VIII, and has been operating continuously since publishing its first book in 1584. As for why it took 50 years to publish that first volume, I assume university presses just moved more quickly in those days.

category: humor | comment | added 3 days ago






John Alejandro King I assume the phrase 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything' is a nice thing to say.

category: humor | comment | added 3 days ago



David Letterman President Obama had his annual physical and apparently everything is all right. And also, Dick Cheney went in for his annual autopsy.

category: comedy | comment | added 6 days ago



Jimmy Fallon Gatorade just announced they're ending their relationship with Tiger Woods. Apparently, they made the decision after they checked his cell phone and found texts from Powerade and Vitamin Water.

category: comedy | comment | added 6 days ago



Bill Maher Balloons dropped because Dick Cheney had his millionth heart attack. And who came by yesterday to cheer him up? The Angel of Duh himself, George Bush. They sat together, and Bush said he had spent the last year working on his book. I swear. Hard to believe Bush has a book. But if you buy Cheney has a heart…

category: comedy | comment | added 6 days ago



Bill Maher Being politicians you know, they all got to sharing their personal stories [at the health care summit]. Obama talked about his mother’s battle with cancer. And Harry Reid talked about a kid with a cleft palate. And John McCain's told how he once carried a brain dead woman through an entire campaign.

category: comedy | comment | added 6 days ago



John Alejandro King The future was now.

category: humor | comment | added 11 days ago



Craig Ferguson It’s a bad day for General Motors. They’re shutting down the Hummer. The Chinese were going to buy it, but after careful consideration, the Chinese decided they don’t want it. You know you’re in pretty bad shape when you can’t even give away a Hummer.

category: comedy | comment | added 10 days ago



Jimmy Kimmel Former Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital today after being treated for a mild heart attack, his fifth heart attack. Next one's free.

Something weird happened in the hospital. When they were putting the electrodes on him for the EKG, he suddenly started screaming, 'Stop! I'll tell you everything you want to know!'

category: comedy | comment | added 10 days ago



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